Flounder, flounder! [The Others]

It frustrates me to see others flounder;
to flutter between help and detachment,
assist or with love, let go
acknowledge that others have refused help
as oft as it's been offered.

El otro, the secret
sneaking beneath her strap
thinking there is a map for
this sort of thing.

I had a dream last night
that I was on a stage
with others
and knew no lines.
Realized they all held scripts
and grabbed mine,
saw all the colors
it was printed with
CMYK, he told me
back when I knew nothing about
just about
everything.

Longed to be knowing
but could never see myself so
we traversed the city
talking in ways unique to:
stalin-drenched disappointments
cherry blossom ice cream cones
pictures of natives taken by tourists.
Conversing on what it'd be like
if I were grown, yet still unknown
were his thoughts and the lies I could see
labeled like test tubes over irises.

The others, she said don't breathe a word
every day is lyrics, I was schooled on
how to communicate, and thought
I was cool, it was exciting for a moment-
until it crumpled - stiff paper in a fire,
waiting for the weakness to overcome
completely.

I was still strong then. I envy my young self.
Yet I know so much now.
What price did I pay?
Strength + knowledge = weakness, loneliness
paralysis, insanity... humanity.

Every cheesy joke
coalesces and coagulates
by necessity, into this verse
keep what I need, I will
and I can let go of
all the Others.


(c) Maria Enns 2013 all rights reserved

Bloom

Blooming, bleeding, needing
Heart is shopping, head bent
Nose is dropping, 'motions rent
Broken and torn,
Brand new, but worn
Expensively pensively peering
in windows and inserting self
into trains and stations
revelations of
life lessons when
evenings stretch
ins and outs of
being a wretch
while aiming to release, really
singly, not easily
used-up all the 'never'
black speck in my white paint
white drop in my inkpot
a little or a lot
so he rescues me
because that's the way
they say it ought to be
and I run, unwillingly
deepening my trust
foregoing no lust
justifying choice
magnifying voice
this is who I am
just for now, I can.

The Gulf

The Gulf which swallowed my Heart
Vastly, deftly, unexemptingly
Death at sea, for a start
Viciously leaving no wake of bubbles,
Lacking oxygen to a weeping heart.
Death sentences surely.
With no remorse.

copyright M.E. 2012, all rights reserved